PostiveNoise

People like to chat and vent about relationship stuff, and coming up with new wacky terms to describe the stuff is fun.

Maybe your relationship with a hot cat-girl you really liked was, um, problematic:

'At first, Miso love-bombed (💣) you into oblivion—showing up at your door with dead birds (gifts?), kneading your thighs while whispering “You’re my favorite human… for now.” But soon, the breadcrumbing (🥪) began: “Let’s chase lasers together… but not this weekend. Or ever, probably.” When you tried to leave, she hoovered (🚁) you back with a dramatic, tear-streaked “I licked your sweater and now it smells like me—you can’t go.” Classic situationship purgatory.

Then came the zombieing (🧟)—after a month of silence, she slid into your DMs with “Did you delete my number, or…?” followed by future faking (⏱️): “We should get a tiny apartment with 100% sunbeam coverage.” (Spoiler: She never signed a lease.) You were clearly benched, her backup human for nights her other “kittens” were busy. The slow fade was brutal: replies dwindling from novels (“I dreamt about you…”) to single letters (“k.”). Just when you moved on? Paperclipping. A 4 AM “pspsps” text. You blocked her… or so you thought.

THE ENDING YOU DESERVE: One year later, you’re at a café—happy, healed, dating a nice dog girl who fetches your coffee instead of your sanity. Then… a flicker of ears at the window. Miso. Her eyes widen. You brace for chaos—but she just drops a crumpled note (“Sorry I broke your PS5. And your heart.”) and darts away. The dog girl growls. You laugh, toss the note, and order a croissant. Finally free.’

(Lesson: Never let a cat girl gaslight, gatekeep, and girlboss you into emotional ruin. Unless her apology comes with a new PS5. Then maybe consider it.) 🎮🐈⬛💔

Unless you have specific, Jason Momoa-type goals in mind

Lets just call it what it is. Aquaman. If you goal is become Aquaman, you should focus on largely aquatic gym tasks, such as lifting extra heavy weights deep underwater, swimming (lots) of laps, and defeating gigantic sea monsters. This is the quickest path to eventually become Aquaman (well, at least in some ways. There can be only one True Aquaman, but you can strive for it).