You’re not wrong about his smile but can’t agree he’s the “most” unsettling when Mr Beast exists.

Appreciate that!

Yeah this is a new concept for me. If it genuinely works and these family units are happy that is amazing for polyamorous people, I never knew you could do that!

I wouldn’t want to project my baggage on them or try to discourage that relationship if they can find happiness and love that’s what life’s for.

I was just worried about potential harm if it didn’t work out cause I know that situation would hurt me.

If that harm isn’t there and I’m just straight ignorant I do get where the downvotes are coming from. Clearly I’m at least 20x more ignorant than I thought so…

Do you tell everyone everything about your lives? Do you not know anyone who prefers privacy?

If it’s taboo to talk about polyamory but it’s not taboo to talk about and dye your hair, then that is honestly a bit of a clue to me as to which one society considers more normal.

But to answer your question…

Yeah that open relationship couple I mentioned basically no one knows about. I’m one of 4 people in our wider friend group who they knew they could trust would be chill about it.

They’re definitely not comfortable letting everyone know.

Wow, something you can physically see is obvious compared to something you have to be told about! I’m shocked. Shocked, I say. To the core.

Why are you mocking me about it? I didn’t create the blue hair dye analogy. It clearly has flaws, which is part of why I responded to critique the analogy. It’s a bad comparison, I agree.

Yes, polyamory is less visible than blue hair. You’re right it would be harder to spot. That would be really important to take into account this visibility bias.

In fact I did take it into account, and despite that I felt at the time it’s still a lot more common to dye your hair.

The Kinsey Institute reported (going off memory here) that about 10% of Americans have been in poly relationships, and about 15-20% are interested, with about 5% actively in a poly relationship.

Yep someone posted a study showing similar numbers on a different comment. That seems to corroborate the same stat.

There are definitely way more than you think, since you’re basing it solely on people you know being interested in telling you about it.

Yep, about 20x more than I thought. Crazy!

I think you’re right. We have to make assumptions to answer OPs question on whether she should be uncomfortable in light of so much missing info.

More information on how the boys feel about this arrangement would be really helpful in alleviating some of my fears, but the post is based exclusively on information from the daughter’s POV so there’s really no choice but trying to fill in the blanks to try to put the answer together.

I think that OP is intelligent enough to look into her own situation and decide whether my assumptions are applicable or not and discard my comment if the boys are really aware and content about this arrangement.

1 out of 9 people (10.7%) have engaged in polyamory at some point during their life

Sorry, is that strictly consenting polyamorous relationships?

People who cheat on their partners aren’t being thrown in there are they?

If not, I should eat my hat, that’s a way larger number than I could have imagined.

Edit: yes it appears that they’re talking about consensual non monogamy. That’s really interesting it really is more normal than I thought.

It is unfortunate that this doesn’t shed light on the success of those relationships and only whether or not they happen.

I would still suspect they’re less healthy and more complex to navigate on average compared to monogamy but we have no way to make a claim on that one way or the other it seems.

… How would you possibly know they are poly aside from blatantly seeing them make out in front of you?

They could tell me? Lol. Do you have small talk with your acquaintances?

Of all my friends, family and acquaintances I have one non binary friend who is polyamorous but not currently in a poly relationship and one friend who is not poly but has an open relationship.

Compared to people I know who have dyed their hair blue, they do not seem as statistically frequent.

If you have a study on population size or something you could easily change my mind.

This is all built on the bias of personal anecdotes because I’m not very familiar with polyamory because I basically never hear of it being tried except online.

If it’s more common than I suggest please enlighten me.

I’d guess it’s under 0.5 percent of relationships just completely out of my ass to give you a target to disprove and shoot down if I’m that blatantly wrong.

Man I have never felt more out of touch than reading this thread.

Those poor boys have feelings, they really like this girl, and instead of being upfront with her feelings with them she’s going to take advantage of both of them and their inexperience to force them into such a damaging and toxic relationship.

It is so fucking hard being in love with your best friend at that age and not wanting to lose the friendship and blaming yourself for your own feelings for the fact that this unhealthy non monogamous relationship is destroying them on the inside but they still care about the person who’s taking advantage of them.

Do we just not care about what’s going to happen to these young men’s hearts when all the jealousy and resentment comes to roost?

Or do we not think about it?

Not believe it’ll happen because we insist this is actually a healthy dynamic?

There’s nothing wrong with being poly and going out into the poly community to find a relationship where consent is understood.

It’s another thing to convince your two closest friends to become poly as minors in maybe their first relationships.

Do they really understand and consent to a thruple, or do they just have feelings for their friend and are told this is how they can shoot their shot?

What is the thought process on being unable to see the “poor decision”? It seems so obvious. Am I just old and brainwashed by society? This seems wrong in this specific situation. This seems like it will end in pain and heartbreak and the daughter is being selfish and uncaring towards her friends feelings and needs to understand that.

If she’s poly that’s okay, but this doesn’t seem like the cleanest most consenting poly couple here. This seems like a bunch of kids being idiots about their first attempts at love who could use some gentle guidance on how to treat people in a relationship.

It’s definitely not as normal as dying your hair blue if were comparing percents of population. It’s a lot more rare.

While I fully support the right for consenting adults to express love however they want, I can’t help but feel this dynamic is incredibly unhealthy and I worry about the kids.

I seriously doubt it’s “normal” for these types of relationships to be successful. The power dynamic is just so off. Humans are jealous creatures.

Maybe that’s my biases, I don’t actually know, but if i saw successful polyamoric couples walking around anywhere close to the rate i see blue haired people that would go a long way to changing my mind.

"Almost heaven, West Virginia. Blue Ridge Mountains, Shanendoah River.

Life is old there, older than the trees.

Younger than the mountains, growing like the breeze.

Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong"

What about roman numeral i?