Rocks are not mere pets, do not be so arrogant to think of them as such. You might think of them as tools but you’d be wrong about that was well. We are the tools. We have been tools from the moment a human first picked up on of those profane things. A rock hungers for violence and murder yet lacks the capacity to perform such feats on its own. They use us, like Cain of old, to turn the grindstone wet with blood for goals beyond our understanding.

Rock and roll was slain by the metal in the year 2012 but rose again as an undead revenant abomination. Yeah it won’t die now but it had to die in order to become that way. They’re trying to cover it up but I know the truth.

Oh I’m sure everything looks like a pebble to you from that high horse you’re sat upon. If you had any basis in reality you’d know this is a boulder. Keep living in delusion if that’s what makes you happy, but the rest of us live in the Real World.

When I said it was a mundane egg I just meant that it was an egg. I didn’t know that it would be full of crabs. But it’s still an egg! It’s a mundane egg that happened to be packed with crabs of varying sizes and colourations.

To all the people in my DMs, don’t tell me that it’s a roc egg. It’s not. A roc would have a much larger egg that would be brown in colouration. And it would smell minty, which this one does not. No, this is clearly just a mundane egg painted to look like a rock.

Did you think I’d just accept that at face value? Do you take me for a fool? That is an egg! You’ve painted it to look like a rock because you are afraid that I will steal it. You thought I would think it was a rock. But it is an egg.

I would do unspeakable things for a cup of fruit rn

Around a millenia ago the pope conducted a chronomic ritual to fabricate 300 years of human history. That time was born of void and placed a great strain upon our reality. It was catastrophic! The new order had no choice but to expunge logsday in order to bring balance to the time stream. But then we have stubborn minds like yours dragging like nails through the repaired tapestry. Shame on you!

We used to have eight days in a week. Eight. The number of magic. But eight is not a controllable number and they cut it down to seven, a prime. These bastards take all of the joy and wonder in the world and reduce it into factors of primes. They’re quantizing an infinite world down into finite information and we’re all stuck in the wake of it.

The greeks couldn’t see blue because they didn’t have eyes. For most of human history we didn’t have eyes.The human eye is a parasite created by a dark wizard in the year 1796. It just happened to be so useful that everyone went along with it. But now the wizard is long dead and the oculi are evolving. They have no master to keep them in check, they just ride us around and have realized that they can only show us what they want us to see. Oh you read a book that says otherwise, did you read it with your eyes??!?

Sorry I couldn’t read this meme because my eyes are luxury organs

I woke up this morning and eleven minutes later I was convinced that I needed to end it all. Luckily things have gone up from there. Exercise is such a stupid trick but it gives my brain the happy chemicals.

I didn’t mean for Pyotr to be my roommate but it just kind of happened. He’s pretty chill though. My place used to be pretty messy but he cleans it while I sleep. He’s totally silent too so I don’t even wake up! Really the only downside is the anemia but I’m taking iron supplements now and that might help a bit.

And Grave of the Fireflies as lucky number seven!

(google is telling me it has no rating so I’m sure those kids will handle it very well /s)

So you’re telling me that I have the psychic power to inflict unending agony upon others by just being myself? I’m going to have such fun with this!

Unfortunately the sistine chapel is made of drawings so I turned it into a playground for kids.

(to be clear this time, this is a joke)

Animation is when for kids. No serious art is made with drawings. We use a computer to add drawings after recording, but it’s still serious. Sometimes we just make the whole thing in a computer but it is still serious because it looks realistic. All real art is realistic, which is when it looks real. Otherwise it’s for kids.

Actually it’s your own fault for buying Superproductname. You should have bought Supererproductname. You’d have known this is you’d put in two hours of research only to find out that Supererproductname was discontinued in 1919.

Plants! Gardening! Bees!! I love growing things and looking at cute bugs. I have a plan to grow a bunch of plants in different containers and I’ve made sure that each of those things should grow well together. I can watch them grow and then eat pieces of them! I crave tomato sandwiches.

We stole the method of making smoothies from spiders. A bug is surrounded with an exoskeleton and full of goopy flesh. Spiders liquify and drink their insides. A banana has a convenient wrapper and is full of soft banana flesh. Spiders do the same thing for bananas.

The original method for making banana smoothies was to let a spider bite a banana and then take the banana away before the spider can drink it. Over time humanity lost this knowledge and became reliant on demonic technology (blenders) to make smoothies.

The spiders, however, have not forgotten. After so many generations of being denied bananas they developed a genetic hunger for them. That’s why they try so hard to crawl on the bananas and that’s why they are so good at hiding and stopping us from noticing them being on our bananas.