I fundamentally disagree with your premise. Being caring, vulnerable, gentle is in no way incompatible with being manly. All require a lot of courage, strength, and intelligence. I do not think that manliness should be defined by its most toxic representatives.

I also heard an interesting take on this: we technically do not have a definition of what “manliness” means, as currently society is built around hating and oppressing women. Boys are told “don’t be a girl”, pretty much - don’t cry, don’t be ‘emotional’, don’t compromise, etc.

I think you should be grateful that you weren’t indoctrinated into being an abuser and instead managed to become a “real man”.

If you have trouble breaking the friendship barrier, consider getting in touch and expressing your romantic side more, because the qualities you describe are super attractive

omg totally, I hate that people do that. I don’t see a way out without introducing digital literacy classes at schools

I know fixing that is quite complex but my friend started kick boxing and it really helped her. Sometimes it helps to simply let the negative energy out so it doesn’t eat you alive and then you can see more solutions with a clear head