Because I need money

Tell her what your favorite dinosaur is.

I died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail hopefully my gravestone says something like rest in peace and not something vulgar.

Joke’s on that guy, all the women on the Internet are really just this guy:

You laugh, but my son did something similar. He said “daddy I know you’re going through a hard time right now but I can help you carry your groceries” and I said “son, you’re 38 years old, why the hell haven’t you moved out yet?”

He shouldn’t have gotten his dentures from Acme.

I once had a group chat that got leaked. There’s a possibility that it may have involved some light treason.

You can’t even get a Baja Blast at a Kentacohut over there?

Mind your ps and qs. What are ps and qs?

The GameCube cases also came with a pizza roll holder but it was a little too small.

Sex: not getting any cause I was fired

Why was I born with eyes?

I mean, all sorts of creatures shit in the ocean and people still swim in it but one person shits in the pool…